A New Response to "Kosher Sex"

When Rabbi Shmuely Boteach's book "Kosher Sex" hit the stands, it raised a commotion. Most people thought the problem many rabbis had with the book was the content. Yet when many rabbis were asked the question of what bothered them about the book, their main problem was not the content but the form. This is not to say that every rabbi agreed with Rabbi Boteach's views but rabbis are familiar with arguments -- and the question of halachically proper sexual conduct is just another question in which machloket, as we often find within the Halacha is to be expected. What bothered many rabbis, though, was the form. A book about proper sexual conduct is simply just not within the realm of tzniut. This is a topic, as the gemara informs us that is to be discussed in private. A public discussion of the topic through a book is a problem.

The only problem with this, though, is that many are not receiving proper Torah teachings on this important subject. Even in private, people are reluctant to talk about sex with their rabbis or Torah teachers, be them male or female. A book, for many, is the only way that they will broach the subject -- in the privacy of their own readings. This, of course, is still not the best way to learn but from a book, one can also learn an attitude that will possibly lead to being able to discuss this subject with another. Notwithstanding this problems with Rabbi Boteach's book, there are reasons for why a book on the subject is necessary. Was it possible for Rabbi Boteach to have written the book in another way that would have made it more acceptable?

Well it seems that there are individuals who believe that the answer to that question is yes -- and the result is new works in Israel on the subject of proper halachic sexual conduct in marriage, with the involvement of poskim. See
http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1238562897794&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull. The only problem I still have is I am still not sure if these new works really tackle the issue that people had with the form of Rabbi Boteach's book. As I have not seen these new works, I cannot really answer that question but there would seem to be indications in this article that they may not have. The only problem with evaluating the new works based on this article, though, is that the article -- much like Rabbi Boteach's book -- was written for the general audience and thus may have tried to be more risque than needed. This, I think, was also the problem with Rabbi Boteach's book -- he was trying to show that Torah Judaism is 'with it' and is the best sexual morality for everyone -- based upon the yardstick that everyone wants to apply. The demand should be how to meet the ideals of Torah regardless of whether everyone likes these ideals or not. For that there is a need for a book -- but specifically for the frum who simply want to know what the Torah wants. In this regard, these new works may be exactly what is necessary -- and the fact that they are sold in sefarim stores and not large, commercial bookstores may be the best indication that they are a solution because they were written for us.

Rabbi Ben Hecht