Saturday, 5 September 2020

Mussar: Learning to Love Toch'chah

Originally published on 5/21/11, 9:50 pm.

Let's face it. Our egos HATE criticism. But when we become less invested in our ego-based identity, we can grow from rebukes and reprimands to become better people
Lest one believe that since toch'chah is a Mitzvah, that we may in turn take license to become insensitive to the other's feelings, that's not so.
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Garnel Ironhaert said...

If "learning to take it as well as you give it" wasn't a requirement, tochachah would be a lot more common.

Rabbi R Wolpoe said...

Tochechah is tricky stuff, On the one hand we want to raise the consciousness of the "other" but we need to do so w/o triggering a battle of egos.

my preferred technique has been the use of rhetorical questions just as Aharon did to Moshe after the death of his two sons in Parshat Sh;mini. I have found that technique does NOT usually work, however. So I need to figure out a more effective technique.

Ideally the target is shown something that let's him figure it out for himself w/o being blunt

Sometimes a mashal or parable or a hypothetical works