Jewish Values Online (jewishvaluesonline.org)
is a website that asks the Jewish view on a variety of
issues, some specifically Jewish and some from the world
around us -- and then presents answers from each of the
dominations of Judaism. Nishmablog's Blogmaster Rabbi
Wolpoe and Nishma's Founding Director, Rabbi Hecht, both serve
as Orthodox members of their Panel of Scholars.
This
post continues this series on the Nishmablog that
features responses on JVO by one of our two Nishma Scholars who are
on this panel. This week's presentation is to one of the
questions to which Rabbi Hecht responded.
* * * * *
Question:
My daughter has a child with a non-Jewish man with whom she has
since split. She leads a totally non-Jewish life, although she comes for
Seder, etc. Her own father, who died at the age if 24, was not Jewish. I
have since married a Jewish man. I truly hope and wish that my daughter
ends up with a Jewish man, but given her choice of lifestyle I do not
see how this can ever happen. Should I give up hoping and accept that
this is a lost cause? She is my only child and I sense that she feels
lost and is unhappy. All she wants is to have a family life. My own
father was the only father figure in her life, but he died when she was
six years old. I blame myself entirely for this situation as I was
hardly a good example.
Rabbi Hecht's answer
There
would seem to be two parts to this type of question. The first part
would be: what is your obligation, as a Jew, in promoting Jewish
identity in another Jew, in this case your daughter? The answer to that
is straightforward; a Jew clearly has an obligation to assist another
Jew in his/her observance of Torah. One argument for this is found in
the halachic principle: kol Yisrael areivin zeh b’zeh, ‘all of Israel are guarantors for each other’. See Rashi, Rosh Hashana 29a where this principle is used to explain why one Jew, in various circumstances, can fulfill a mitzvah for another even though the one performing the mitzvah has already previously fulfilled his/her own obligation. As long as another Jew is under an obligation to perform a mitzvah, it is as if we all are so obligated – and responsible. See, also, T.B. Shavuot 39a.
In addition to this principle, an obligation of one Jew for the observance of another also arises from the command of hoche’ach tochi’ach et amitecha, ‘rebuke your fellow’, See Vayikra 19:17 and, for further details, Sefer HaChinuch, Mitzvah 239.
While there are many practical rules that have to be considered in
regard to the application of this law, its basic principle is that a Jew
is responsible to take steps to correct or prevent another Jew from
violating Halacha. In this regard as well, you would have an obligation to try and further your daughter’s Jewish identity.
The
real issue, however, is, I believe, the other part of this question.
Answering that you, as a Jew, have an obligation to promote Jewish
identity in your daughter actually seems to present your daughter as an
object, someone you are to act upon. The law seems to be telling you
that you have an obligation to affect another – and that would seem to
be without even a consideration of this other as a seperate person, an
independent human being with a will of her own. So we must consider the
other part of this question: in the interest of your daughter, should
you attempt to promote her Jewish identity? Is it to the benefit of your
daughter to promote her Jewish identity? This leads into the question
of how you actually see Jewish identity, personally and in general. If
you see it as a good thing that would benefit your daughter, how could
you not promote it within her?
We
have a principle within Jewish Law that we can convert non-Jewish
children. The question still emerges: how is this possible for
conversion demands the free-will acceptance by the candidate to become
Jewish and children are not deemed able to make such a free-will
decision? The answer lies in the halachic concept of zochin l’adam shelo be’fanav,
‘one can benefit another even without their consent.’ While
transactions demand the free-will acceptance of the parties, such an
acceptance is not deemed necessary from a party when the transaction
would be fully and totally beneficial to this party. Applying this
principle to the laws of conversion, it is deemed permissible to convert
a child -- even as a child is absent the ability to make a reasoned,
adult, free will decision of this nature -- because becoming Jewish is
deemed to be a total benefit to the child. See Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh De’ah 268:7. Within the principles of Torah, being Jewish is a good thing.
This,
I would say, is the real issue with your daughter. Jewish thought
believes that a Jew identifying as a Jew is good for that person – and
if this is so, how could you then not further promote the furtherance of
your daughter’s Jewish identity? Of course, there are many practical
issues that would have to be addressed in determining how you would
proceed from such a perspective. This is not a time for imposition or
for the lack of recognition of your daughter’s own will. In the way you
framed the question, though, it seems that you do believe that promoting
your daughter’s Jewishness would be good for her. Jewish thought would
agree and inform you that regardless of the past, it is never too late
to assist others in improving their lives. Never stop hoping for the
good – and more so, do whatever you can, properly and correctly, to
bring it about.
