Reflections on Aveilus 2 - Mourning and Comfort - Mixed Messages?

Getting up from Shiva and reflecting...

• Is Shiva about healing the wound?
• Is it about mourning?
• Is it about adding suffering to the bereaved?
• Is it about processing grief?
• Is it about exacerbating a tough time?
• Is it about the mourner?
• Is it about the deceased?
• Is it about the comforters?
• Is a mourner pampered?
• Is the mourner entertainer-in chief?

How is a mourner after shiva to feel? Relieved? Or once the comforters leave is the letdown provide even more intense grief - lacking the well-wishers?

Should the mourner discuss:

• The deceased?
• The relationship WITH the deceased?
• The mourner's feelings of shock and grief?
• The kindness of the consolers?

...

• If a mourner needs to be comforted then why does halachah oppose virtually every creature comfort?
• If a mourner has lost joy why is joy restricted?
• How come a consoler can bring the mourner joy via his favorite meat balls but the simple joy of bathing is restricted?

-RRW