Originally published 9/8/10, 12:44 pm. Link to editorial no longer works.
When I was a college student, I was often asked if I was a feminist. A fan of Barbie dolls, Louisa May Alcott novels, sewing, and romantic films, I always hesitated before answering the question. After a short while, I came up with the following answer – one that I feel still describes my views quite accurately. Am I a feminist? No, I am not – if being a feminist means that I think women are superior and/or the same as men. However, I majored in mathematics in college and I am now a lawyer – if not for feminists who came before me, both fields would have been closed to me. So, yes, I am a feminist in the sense that I believe there is a role for women in this world beyond the realm of motherhood and away from hearth and home. I am a feminist in that I believe women should be treated with respect – not because they are fragile precious creatures but because they are intelligent human beings. I am a feminist in the way I believe I am obligated to be, by virtue of my dedication to Torah Judaism. I am a feminist because Gd gave both men and women a duty at Sinai – the duty to serve Him, to uphold and glorify His system, to better this world and ourselves – and I will not allow negative external influences or fear of change to keep me and my feminine brethren from fulfilling this mission.
So, with this in mind, how do I feel about the recent conversation surrounding women leading Kabbalat Shabbat? (see Rabbi Broyde’s comments and a Jewish Week editorial in response.) I am appalled and offended. I am saddened and frustrated. I am naively shocked that, once again, women and men are seriously turning an important matter into a Hallmark film. As Rabbi Broyde so succinctly elucidated in his response – Kabbalat Shabbat is a customary prayer, a relatively minor act among the many components that make up the commandment to pray. And prayer itself is only one small part of our service of Gd – an important part, a crucial part, a spiritually pleasing part for some – but it is not the focal point of our Faith. The exaggerated communal place of the synagogue in present-day Judaism is a blatant mimicry of the Christian church. We do not need a church; we have the beit medrash, we have the home, we have the heart and soul of every Jew. Those are our religious centers. The synagogue, notwithstanding its undeniable sacred significance, is, at its core, intended to be a practical place – a room wherein ten men join together so they can pray.
If you ask me, the problem isn't that women don’t feel good about themselves spiritually because they’re relegated to a back seat in the synagogue – the problem is that men do feel good about themselves spiritually because they occupy the front seat. A twisted priority isn't made right by bending it further in the wrong direction. I pray to Gd from behind the mechitza and thus fulfill the commandment I have regarding prayer; I should feel equally satisfied from that as a man should feel when he prays at the bima. We are both serving Gd as He commands us to – we've just done it differently. And, yes, while it is true that leading communal prayer is an honor and is an honor that women are denied – the answer is not to find some loophole by which women can feel “a part of it”. For some reason Gd does not make this particular honor accessible to women – He must have a reason for it. Let us struggle with that. Let us examine what Gd wants of women and figure out from there what women should be. Let us not find superficial ways to allow women to practice Judaism like a man. If Gd wanted me to serve Him like my brothers do, He would have made me differently. Speaking of prayer, I thank Him every day for making me according to His Will – shouldn't I honor that prayer by trying to be a Jew according to that Will?
I don’t begrudge those who want to experience a feeling of spirituality – it’s quite a feeling and Gd has, thankfully, filled the world with many things that can set the soul on fire. It’s why some do yoga while others listen to rock and roll; it fuels love of opera and love of nature. It is a wonderfully intoxicating existential state. And, if harnessed properly, it can even be a positive influence on one’s relationship with Gd and His world. But it should never be the driving force behind one’s religious observance. We serve Gd because we said we would, because every day we say we will – regardless of how it feels.
So, thank you so much Rabbi Weiss – you've given me a chance to further actualize my “spirituality”? How sweet. But, no, thank you. I’d rather you give me Judaism as Gd intended. Give me a place among my people that allows me to fulfill my purpose before our Gd. Don’t placate me with hand-outs that only perpetuate a faulty understanding of the role of prayer. And the role of women. And the role of men. And, truth be told, the role of Judaism.
I don’t ascribe to this religion for a spiritual high; I ascribe to it because I believe it is the Truth. And that Truth doesn't much care who leads Kabbalat Shabbat. So why should I?
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