The Players:
• Yonatan - a prominent member of Sammy's Shul
• David - his brother-in-law and guest
• Shim'on - a self appointed decorum "Cop" ;-)
• R. Shlomoh - The local Rav
Once upon a time Yonatan invited his brother-in-law David to visit on Shabbat.
Yonatan came to shul early and David - having davened Minchah already - came to meet him there just at "L'chu N'ran'nah" time.
NB: this is a time where hefseq is not an issue.
Yonatan called David over to sit with him and greeted him warmly
This fellow Shim'on - a fanatic for decorum - got bent out-of-shape and shushed them quite demonstratively. He wasn't requesting silence, he demanded it! - I.E. by his demeanour.
David was taken aback a bit from this lack of hospitality - and even hostility - towards a "newcomer".
Yonatan - trying to make shalom - said that Shim'on is quite makpid on decorum and that's just the way he is
Later that Shabbat the 2 brothers-in-law approached Rav "Sh'lomoh" and discussed this.
R. Sh'lomoh made the following observations
A. Shim'on - and everyone else - has a right to decorum, and the right to feel that Yonatan's greeting was itself "rude"
B. "OTOH do 2 rudes make a right?" He asked rhetorically. It seems Shim'on COULD have shushed in a kinder fashion the first time, and saved his rudeness ONLY for the case of repeat offenders. Thus he might have done the "right" thing but did it the "wrong" way.
C. It seems unlikely that Shim'on's menchschlichkeit quotient would ever get raised by reproving him.
D. OTOH holding a grudge is not good for "Shalom Bayyis" within a small shul. So R Shlomoh asked Yontan to not take Shim'ons's gruffness personally.
To that last suggestion, Yonatan countered saying - given Shim'on's chronic "irritability" - it seems prudent to avoid Shim'on in the future as best as he can.
R. Shlomoh pondered this approach
Dear Readers:
What do you think is the optimum approach to this situation?
Given that:
1. Nearly everyone wants decorum
2 The Rav wants guests like David to feel welcome and at home.
3 While Fixing Shim'on does not seem to be a feasible project,
but
4 Should Shim'on be be left off the hook completely?
KT
RRW
3 comments:
As my great Rabbis have said:
Instead of David stepping into a shul, let's have him stepping into a movie theatre where the movie has already started. The problem is we don't see G-d and we don't see the beauty of our prayers and so instead of just coming in and quietly sitting down we see our friend Yonaton and make a big production out of it much to the angst of Shimon who's sitting nearby. Some of us are really connecting or want to connect when we're in shul and so I have to agree with Shimon who feels the Chilul Hashem when people are speaking in shul.
it's not that Hsim'on had no right to shush, it's more about how he did it.
"B. "OTOH do 2 rudes make a right?" He asked rhetorically. It seems Shim'on COULD have shushed in a kinder fashion the first time, and saved his rudeness ONLY for the case of repeat offenders. Thus he might have done the "right" thing but did it the "wrong" way."
Isn't a win-win approach better?
What if Shim'on gently shushed or simply turned to them with a finger over his lips? or Whisper please be quiet? And only got bent out of shape if they refused to comply?
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