The Strange Saga of Professor "Andy Loose"

Once upon a time there was a Jewish History Professor - Andrew Mussa Loose, PhD. He laboured under the "Andy" Illusion that his ancestry was from Southern Moslem Spain. Thus, he became an unabashed champion of the Rif and Rambam, and had a superiority complex towards those other, "lesser" authors. He also was demonstrably and passionately opposed to Tosafism and Kabbalism. He found them incomparable with the true Torah from Southern Iberia. They were the twin reasons how Judaism had become corrupted from its Pristine State.

Andy Loose didn't need to stick to the facts. His goal was to stick with his dogma instead. Regarding the facts he made them up to fit this agenda. Soon his colleagues joked behind his back There goes Professor Fast-and-Loose because Andy was fast and loose with the facts. When the facts don't fit the theory? "Change the facts" was Andy's credo.

One Passover - Seder Night - Andy Loose became quite loose with his wine. Soon he was stone cold drunk.

Falling to sleep in a stupor, he had a dream - nay a nightmare. He dreamt that his ancestry was not at all from Southern Spain, but rather from Northeastern France - near the Rhineland. And worse - his colleagues had found out. They mercilessly ridiculed him. "Now, Andy, you'll have to love Tosafot and to dismiss the Rambam as mere Aristotelian Speculation!" They teased; and so - in this dream - he endured complete mortification!

That morning Andy arose and then shuddered and trembled. What a ghastly thought! Andy Loose - hailing from the wine region near Alsace, why he might even be related to Rashi or Rabbeinu Tam?! - Perish the thought! Can you imagine ME as having Tosafistic tendencies? Impossible!.

Andy shook all day long. Yet, he didn't feel that Taanit Halom trumped Simhat Yom Tov, so his body attended services but his mind was elsewhere.

B"H time healed this incident, and Andy Loose grew even Looser with his articles. His colleagues felt quite embarrassed by his outrageous assertions and unsubstantiated notions, and plotted an archaeological hoax to shake Andy's foundations.

Andy's colleague Professor Demos came up with a phenomenal plot. He would plant "evidence" that the Rif was the authentic - albeit secret - author of the Zohar [which RM De Leone would later publish.] And that Rambam was in fact the author of what has been termed Tosafot. Finally, that the Mishneh Torah and the Moreh N'vuchim were in fact published by the Franco-German Rabbis

Dear Readers please note, this hoax was quite elaborate and difficult to describe in print. Suffice it to say, all the evidence of an intentional switch and cover-up were carefully planted so as to make this outrageous swap much more plausible.
Furthermore, many Rabbis, who found Andy's publications quite outrageous, were recruited to make any "reality check" match the hoax.

The plot was sprung in Spring - April fool's Day to be exact, nearly a year since Andy's traumatic "trauma."

The evidence was planted by a series of articles planted on Andy's desk. In addition several websites carried this information. But the clincher was when Rabbi Repeater was brought in to give a talk entitled "Making Shalom - the plot for Peace between Maimonides and their opponents"

The gist was: given the acrimony between the protagonists and the antagonists, that the rabbis in 1284 swapped the Northern French authors' tomes with those of the Southern Spanish ones, and emended all texts to make it appear that Rif wrote Hilchot Rabbati, and Rambam Mishnah Torah and the French wrote Tosafot.

Of course Andy was a strong personality, and was chuckling all the way through! He KNEW that his Southerners were rational and that the Northerners were the pilpulists and mystics

Several months later, on the night of Shavuot, Andy stayed up late learning his anti-Tiqqun, namely the Rambam's code. This time fatigue and not wine overtook Andy. And he woke up to find himself drift in sleep and dreaming that his entire career had really been spent defending his enemies and attacking his family. He now began to seriously wonder - had he gotten it backwards all along?

Like Saul on the Road to Damascus, Andy had both and epiphany and a turnabout. He proceeded to defend the writings of the Rif and the Rambam and to attack those of the Frankists. Except that NOW it meant promoting the Zohar and "Tosafistic Pilpul" and attacking the Mishneh Torah as a fraudulent ersatz substitute for the Talmud. After all, he needed to make up for lost time. He showed how the authentic Torah WAS indeed in Southern Spain and that no switcheroo could cause him to betray his roots - even b'shogeig!

After several years the hoax was unmasked. In a meeting Professor Demos and Rabbi Repeater sat down with Andy Loose, PhD.

Demos: Andy the pretense is over!

Loose: Aha I've been duped. I had been right all along! Now I'll restore the pride of South Spain to its primacy. Yada Yada Yada

Demos: No I mean the pretence that YOU'RE a rationalist! It's clear now that you're REALLY a Southern Spain chauvinist, and that ideology had NOTHING to do with it. Our hoax unmasked your true colours! You're an Andy Loose Bigot, NOT an anti-pilpul or anti-mystical scholar. Your publications are a kind of sham. You're not defending an ideal, you're promoting your family's legacy! No wonder you have such a disregard for facts. Your passion is about ego and "yichus" and not about principles.

AndyLoose was even mortified worse than in his dream! His entire persona was bared "naked" in front of Demos and Repeater

Repeater: Andy, don't worry. Demos is here to unmask you and to set the record straight. I'm here to guide you to do t'shuvah and to unshackle you from the burden of your rigid, self-righteous positions. From now on, I will coach and mentor you how to be open-minded and to see the truth that both Tosafot and Rambam had value that transcends their borders, and that that Hashem wants an elu v'elu accpetance of all great Torah scholars, and not family-based partisanship.

Andy was not used to being BIG. He had a career of being small-minded, and petty, not a big-minded universalist! Such. Transformation was beyond his hen

R Repeater repeated: You're not alone. You'll have help. We'll transform you into a loving compassionate Jew that transcends geography and sees value in all facets of Torah scholarship, both the rational and the mystical. You will be loved and not despised and you will radiate charisma by judging ALL your colleagues favourably. You will now truly observe "B'Tzedek Tishpot Amitecha" in a win-win way.

Loose: I feel like Ebenezer Scrooge! A few dreams and I've been transformed from a hateful, spiteful, partisan, to a philanthropist, a lover of humanity and of its diversity! Baruch Hashem

Loose continues:
Demos and Repeater you should be shot for what you've put me through! ;-) But if you succeed, I'll hang "Medals of Honour" around the both of you! I'm both flabbergasted and relieved. I actually need not defend my family any longer! I can now see validity in BOTH sides

And Andy Loose Lost his Andy Illusions and lived a saner and more peaceful co-existence with all of his colleagues and fellow Jews.

The End

KT

RRW